Norbit was a riot man. Phrase of the year: Premature objeculation. Heh.

Life has been pretty good to me i guess. Took me some time to get over that whole era but i guess it's all behing. Finally realized that well.. if the old dont go.. the new can't come in. Just like gambling. Haha. I actually made amlost 700 bucks at blackjack.. but due to my dumbness i only got about 200 in the end. Oh wells. In life u win some and u lose some i guess.

Birthday's in 3 days. No more teen man. twenTY. But somehow i think i've reached the stage where i don't really care bout birthdays anyway. I'd just be happy if i get to hang out with friends and special people who care. The exec flr people are organizing some shit at St james on fri, so all's invited. No plans for the actual day but might catch a movie with celest when she ends work. Any takers? Nice and simple does it.

Well guess i'm back to work at Conrad again. Have a contract till may. Well pay's good, people's fun, don't really mind i guess. Started my 'frist' day today and everyone was like "OMG YOUR BACK". Haha.. for once i feel wanted. kewl.

So well.. fri st james. SEE YA PEOPLE.

Argh. still stuck with CONTEMPORARY ISSUES OF HOSPITALITY AND TOURISM report. Like.. poeple wanna graduate already and they have to throw this thingy at our face and make life hard for us. i have 6 hours to complete this but i have so no mood to so. But i need to. Although i don't want to. But i have to.. so i can party with the fella's tonight. Heh.

Seriously i don't know what the deal is with SG girls man. What's the deal with this vday shit. In other countries they don't even give two hoots bout it but here it's like another christmas or someshit. For all you know you're celebrating the birthday of some fella called Valentine who was born on 14th feb. Even more so he might have been like a chee ko pek or some serial rapist who preyed on smitten girls like the one's here in SG. Like maybe pay he'll $8888 for a hotel room at Ritz, complete with like a chocolate bathe and a bed scattered with petals. After which he'll buy one million roses and stuff like that and WOW the poor girl. And after that, get her drunk on Dom Peri champagne, then raping and killing her or something. Heh. Well you never know. Loads of these crazy people in the world. Like UK. US. GAL. get.a.life.

Well.. in the spirit of all festivities.. As they say: Love is all around. Like.. In the toilet bowl. The rubbish chute. The kitchen sink. The fishtank. The longkang near my house. Up my mother's car's exhaust pipe. And of course up my brother's backside.

HAPPY VDAY!!!!

awwww.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

-

Somehow it always always always ends up the bloody same way. Just like past instances. Oh wells. I give up. Don't wanna care anymore. Probablly been blind or dumb or something.

Guess 6 months came and went. While you're in it.. it seems pretty damn long. But upon looking back.. it's damn fast. Suddenly work didn't seem that bad after all. The thing with work is that although you get loads of shit, you don't take it back with you. School's different.. u get shit but that shit goes home with you. Oh wells. Everything's like passing so quickly. Soon it's gonna be army soon. That aint an issue.. what's gonna happen after that is the problem.

G and Sam left for aussie yesterday.. wonder if i'll take the same path. Degree or career. Somehow in my mind it's like 65% sure that i wanna join SIA. But i don't know. Might go overseas.. but i'm pretty sure i'll screw everything up by like partying and all those nonsense and not study. Heh.

Million thoughts running through my head now.

Somehow i just feel so dumb and cheated bout it. But another minute i'm just so damn pissed that i feel like blowing and breaking my wall or something.

But well.. one thing's for sure this is the last time i'm gonna be so damn stupid.

This is just to inform you, Diana, that there is really nothing to read here.

HAHA

Guess it boils down to this.

This weekend rather..

Keeping my fingers crossed.. hoping.. and praying.

That somehow...

Sigh.. it all lies with u, girl.

So maybe i don't make sense? You fellas don't know me well enough then..

Stepping into service today for the first time in two and a half months was really overwhelming.

Albeit having to drag myself out of bed and being a lil late, something just hit me the minute i entered the doors of the sanctuary. Don't know how to describe that feeling but it broke me. Just couldn't take it anymore when they sang Beautiful Savior and i just broke down. Of all songs.. it had to be that song. It really has been so long. Too long.

I just sat there after service ended.. staring at the stained glass. Didn't wanna leave. For the first time in almost three months i felt at peace. Everything has been so frustrating and miserable. Was just so happy to see familiar faces. Sunday's used to be so routine.. now it's definately not to be taken for granted.

Guess you don't realize it till it's taken away from you. Life's like that.

Never take things for granted..

or people for that matter.

Sunday came.. and went. 

Julienne's msn nick reads:

I pray that i'm there/not in between.

Hmmmm...

true true true

Guess it's that time of the year again.

Super damp.

Dampens everything.

Soaks everything.

Including your spirits.

All i want now is the 63 bloody days to be over and done with. That's all. Please God. And then everything can get back to 'normal' again. On the other hand.. whats the norm..

Guess everything changes.. people change. You don't really realize it till you've been 'away' i guess. Subtle changes all adds up.

Things feel different.

Hmm. Somehow i guess you're more 'reflective' during this time of the year.. or is it just me.. well there's so much to sort that at time's, you can just sit back in the chair for ages.. with a zillion thoughts running through your head. Stone.. chill.. whatever you wish to call it. But in the end.. nothing's sorted. Like now.

Yeah.. it's just THAT time of the year.

I've got it..

Guess there aint much of a point or anything else that i can do..

Leaving it in Your hands.

Sit back and chill. With milk instead...

Finally off tomrw.. like fri and sat. YESSSS.

I have freakin no life man. I was in the hotel for more than TWELVE HOURS yesterday. wtf man. Tue worked night shift.. and those idiots scheduled me back to back shift the next day.. worst thing was it was so bloody busy that i had to stay after my shft.. basically i worked like 9 to 9? madness man. PLUS today another back to back.. morning 7am. ARGH. Well the good thing is time kinda passed quickly cus it was sooo darn busy.

Like everytime i go down the reception there's a different set of guests yelling cus we have no more rooms. Who's ask the stupid hotel to be so overbooked till the house status is like -18. Dumb.

ANYWAY... tomrw is Fri.

I hope the 'plan' works out...

... just dont workkkkkkkkkk ...

giving up man..

i just need like a sign..

just to re-assure...

..

All i want for Christmas..

Is..

...

What else is there left to say..

Sigh.

I guess even though i don't wanna see it that way, things just aren't the same anymore.. Despite how much i try to ignore the fact. Guess it's pretty much obvious now. I just really don't know why it's this way. What did i do wrong this time..

"i guess everything i have to say is summed up in that note.."

I just need to know i guess.. what i'm regarded as.. where i stand. Then i'll just take the cue..

To think how those words from them were actually quite true in the end.. "don't get ur hopes too high nate"

but then..

Be positive. Oh i'm sure. And for the first time i actually was..

That hope is now fading. I guess i don't have a choice.. do i..? I'll just be left to pick up the pieces.. it's eating me up..

especially when you're the only thing on my mind..

Just crushed..

I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me

It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

Had a drive, Driven by your love

But when you messed around, I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed, Needed someone true

But you changed your mind

Or had I failed you?

Wish you’d been careful, Careful with my heart

But you tore it apart, And broke an angel’s heart

The kiss was true, Has to end somehow

But I am livin’ proof of what love is about

It’s hard holding you, Loving you losing you

It’s sad to be true, And be fooled by you

I don’t know, I gotta know

Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on, Played me like a clown

But I feel for you, Even though I’m down

My heart is heavy, Heavy like a rock

But I am so amused, You’re still in my thoughts

This time its done, It’ll never feel the same

But we had some good times, Guess it’s sad just the same

I guess the truth, Doesn’t matter somehow

But you were livin’ proof of what love is about..

Don't you just love this song..

Not bad huh, local bands nowadays..

How apt aye.

Sigh.

why.

Dear God,

please give me strength and will to go on and continue each day of my SIP for the next four months. please give me strength to curb my frustrations and also restrain my desire to knock certain despicable human beings out unconscious. Please please please. Thank you.

Alvin's exact words, "isn't it degrading?"

Come to think of it now.. Yes, maybe a little. After another month my answer will probably be more affirmative.

Jaded. Sigh.

However.. i guess.. there a silver lining in every storm.

Thursday please come quick.

I so wanna get out from here, far far away.

WOOT! I'm so excited man. Got home last night to find 460 credited. Not much, but i can do a hell lot of things with it. Actually not really la, heh. 130's going to birks.. which leaves 330 left. Hmmm.. I need headphones.. (or do i?) Which leaves 270. Then there's KL (i hope) and maybe batam.. Hahaha.. which leaves zilch. Thank goodness i still get allowance. Plus i have some 'leftover' pay from Coriander..

I'll survive.

Hmm.. I don't know why, but these couple of days, i'll automatically get up at like 930/10 AM!! Even tho work starts at 3? Gosh. Creepy right. And then after which i can't seem to go back to sleep.. although i slept at like 2plus 3 the previous night?! The normal nate sleeps at like 3/4am everynight and gets up at 3/4 pm the next day, to the huge disapproval from my dad. Haha.. the funniest thing now is that I NEED TO EAT BREAKFAST, if not i'll be super hungry! I wonder why man.

Must be your doings, gem.

Hahaha.. i swear my dad's damn happy with me man.

"That's the sort of lifestyle you should have, son" hahahaha.

nyeh nyeh nyeh.

Anyway, considering how i was in a super bad mood for the whole week the last time i _ _ _ _ _ _. I have no idea why i'm like suddenly in such a good mood even after Wed man. Haha. This is damn crazy. I swear somethings wrong with me man. Haha.

SOMEONE'S coming back today!!!!!

Darn, i still don't see any sign of my pay although they claimed its deposited on the 27 or 28. I'm in desperate need of moolah so i can shop. Haha. That ass biatch beng still owes me hundred. Argh.

Yesterday was not only a boring but a shitty-ly shitty shit crap poo feces excretion day man. ARGH. 13th december.. if not i'm really giving up already. I think it's my face la. I was so pissed that when i got home,i went straight into my room immediately without saying a word an slept for a couple of hours, if not i'll probably just blow up or something. In fact i think i accidentally muttered the f word in front of my mum man. Heh. ARGHHHH. My stupid dad still dared to laugh.. smack him.

Thank goodness i found something better to do at night to relieve stress. Went to simpang (like where else can u go) with euge and ian. Managed to put me in a SLIGHTLY better mood. Haha. Somebody's in loveeee too.. or rather both of them. Haha, probably cus year-end is coming. 'Tis the season to be....' Hahahaha. Emo la you, euge. Merdin was laughing for five minutes over your drinking-wine-and-chilling-in-front-of-the-com antics.

Hmm.. Actually, somehow i generally dislike year-ends and all the festivities.. dislike, not hate. Beats me, but i always feel like crap, or something bad or sad happens.. and it's always emo-pemo like at christmas or new year and i'll feel shitty. BUT..

I have a strange feeling it'll be different this year and it's gonna be a nice year-end..

Please God! Just for once! Haha.

Fingers crossed.

Yeah, i'm off today again. Yesterday was a funny day man.

For those of you girls who are like ga-ga over those dumb dumb boy bands and stuff.. well, IWASTHISCLOSE to err whats their name.. Energy or something?! Plus they talked to me too. Haha. Apparently they always stay at Conrad when they're in Sg. Which of course i dont really care and i don't even know who they are. But they were at the exec lounge yesterday. Of course i was wondering who on earth was those three gay guys until my colleague was like

"wahhhh, they talk to you but they didn't even talk to me"

Only then i found out that they were Energy or something?? Haha.. i don't really care.

Well afterwhich, later in the evening. There was this autistic guy or something. At first I thought he was like yelling at my manager or something cus he has speech problems. Hahaha. By after that things got damn weird. I was only being polite by smiling at him when i walked past as he was sitting right outside the pantry. So afterwhich, he called me over. Of course i was tryin so hard to make out what he was saying.. which was "you have a nice smile" Hahahaha.. i was like,, erm.. okay thanks. WTF! Well to cut the long story short, he called me over again, typed smth in his hp which read.. "would you like to keep in contact?"

WTF!!!!!!

He's german or smth.. and he wrote down THREE bloody email addresses and his HP number can u believe it! He asked for my hp number but i said i didnt have one! And i dont know why the hell i was so stupid to give him my email add. But there and then i didnt know how to say no cus i thought it would be rude? GOSH! SO GROSS. The rest of the idiots kept making fun and they were like.. "eh he's gonna ask you to his room" "you're gonna start talkin like him tomrw morning". Hahahha.. IDIOTS! I didnt suspect anything cus he's just like a typical angmoh guy or something in the early thirty's.. but he was really so damn freaky after that incident. Gosh.

I dunno what the heck im gonna do if he adds me on MSN or smth.

Even merdin was laughing like crazy... I DONT THINK ITS FUNNY! It's damn freaky.

gosh.

Anyway she's off to tioman already..

missing YU!

Argh, YU were never meant to find out about this site. This is soooooo embarrassing. GOSH. How can this be happening.

Okay shut up nate, stop whining and over reacting.

Great, im even talking to myself now.

I think im going crazy.

Over   _ _ _

Stupid AR paper tomrw. If i fail im out of school man. And i think i'll have to find foster parents cus my mum's gonna disown me. Then again if i fail i'll join SIA. Hahahaha. Chloe was telling me how they desperately need stewards now and the pay's like five over K a mnth. Cool shit.

Honestly i really haven't studied much. I doubt any thing's in my head. Argh. Irritating.

But i had a realllllllllllllly nice day today. Such a lazy afternoon. Like so "nuah". I like. Made breakfast for the first time in like a million years for the breakfast girl. Breakfast at 12, thats it.. and then just bumming the afternoon away with herrr. Nice.

I don't wanna work tomrw, im really so gonna feel like crap. I wanna go tioman too! OR bangkok or KL or even batam for the matter. Jealous.

OH WELLS............

Oh i got my NS medical check up letter man. Heh.

OH WELLS.............

i think she's the sweetest nicest cutest most genuine funniest happiest girl ever

gem

I'll post up some pics of Jo's birthday celebration.. with you-know-who in there. Alvin u owe me ah.

Yesterday was like a damnnnnnn erm... weird? not weird la.. but. "twisted" day. Not as in sick twisted but rather unexpecting twisted.

Well for one I was supposed to go for dinner with my fam at carlton hotel cus it was JO's birthday, as in my brother jonathan. So yeah, i went to meet merdin but halfway, thanks to my stupid bro screwing things up and pissing my dad, dinner was cancelled.

In the end i brought her to Coriander for dinner which she absolutely loved. Haha. Well then, it was Joline's bday too. So Josh and the rest ended up coming down for desert. Well, after we finished dinner. The thing was my dad was alone so i felt bad. Me end merdin ended up meeting for drinks after dinner. Haha. How weird is that. Well.. came back to Coriander for more drinks.. CHAMPAGNE.. and then to MOS for more drinks again.. CHAMPAGNE, courtesy of Jo.

Oh wells.. go see the pics then